FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Mediation is a private, confidential, out-of-court process where people come together with a trained facilitator (the “mediator”) to find creative solutions to difficult issues.

Mediation can happen for any type of conflict, at any time, even before anyone makes any type of court filing.

Mediation tends to be less expensive, less volatile, and far less time-consuming than the Illinois court system.

For details on the process, please visit How It Works.

Not at all!

Many people are unaware of mediation or how it can help them, or are unclear as to what “mediation” means. Divorce has simply become a common scenario for mediation because Illinois family courts (where divorces take place) often order couples who are “stuck” to participate in mediation, especially for parenting issues.

One wonderful type of mediation is “couples mediation,” which can even save relationships. To learn more, see “What is couples/marital mediation?” (below).

The truth is, any conflict can be mediated, when people find they are unable to resolve their issues on their own. At R.I.S.E., we dedicate our efforts to family and relationship issues, and are happy to facilitate resolution of a wide variety of conflicts within that arena.

Some examples of non-divorce family matters are tension within couples, difficulties surrounding family behaviors, communication breakdowns, parenting disagreements, household arrangements and responsibilities, childcare, eldercare, parent or relative visitation, cohabitation, the family business, allocation of family income and assets, safety and health of loved ones, residence issues, and even inheritance.

If your family or relationship is in conflict, we can help you.

Couples mediation, sometimes referred to as marital mediation, is for couples who have hit a wall. Maybe you worry divorce is the only solution. Maybe you have tried (or thought about) couples therapy, but for whatever reason things aren’t getting better.

Try mediation. It isn’t therapy—and it might be the answer.

Mediation is about coming up with practical solutions to sources of conflict in a confidential process that facilitates blame-free communication and joint problem-solving. Mediation is action-specific and future-oriented. It is not about fault or personality or hashing out the past, nor is it about about diagnosing, analyzing, pathologizing, accountability, or anyone feeling under a spotlight. It can work parallel with therapy (individual or couples) or on its own.

These are some examples of the wide range of things, small and large, that can find creative solutions in mediation:

• Loading the dishwasher differently
• Incompatible sleep routines
• Spending or saving disagreements
• Household chores or mowing the lawn
• Social media habits
• Porn addiction
• Dealing with each other’s families
• Parenting styles
• How you spend time together or apart
• Communication patterns
• Work vs relationship tension
• Parenting tasks like driving or packing lunches

All sorts of pain points are common and solvable. The couple comes up with approaches that might work for them, we put those in writing, commit to a time period, and then those ideas get put into practice. Nothing is permanent or binding; everything is flexible and voluntary. The couple really gives it a shot because the work and commitment are there. Together we follow up at agreed intervals and can make adjustments as necessary.

Working out an approach to even small things (without any pressure to “agree”) can change the way you live day to day, ease tension in the relationship, and give you both breathing room to move forward. This can give you the time and mental space to figure out if the love is still there without drowning in day-to-day annoyances that have taken on a life of their own.

NOTE: We are temporarily discounting our hourly rate for non-separating couples from $350/hour to $275/hour to encourage people to give it a try. If we can help you not get divorced, we aren’t losing a thing.

Cost.  The oversimplified rule of thumb is that mediation costs around a third the cost of litigating a conflict (i.e., having a judge resolve it). See “How does the cost compare to court?” (below) for a helpful analysis.

Time.  Divorce, to use an example, often takes at least a year, and can last two years or longer where issues are hotly contested. A mediated divorce, on the other hand, can be achieved in a matter of weeks or months; you set the schedule, and you control the pace.

Satisfaction.  People who resolve their conflict in a comfortable, low-pressure way on their own, with the assistance of a neutral third party, tend to feel much, much better about the outcome. The court process is generally more stressful, expensive, impersonal, hard to understand, and difficult to manage. A stranger (the judge) decides the outcome, which can often leave people feeling left out of their own lives.

Relationships.  The challenges of court almost always lead to heightened tension and/or hostilities on both “sides,” and these feelings can last indefinitely. Mediation, by contrast, can preserve or foster an amicability among participants that will benefit you and your family in the years to come.

Durability.  Mediation is generally understood to have an 80-90% success rate.* When done right, the agreement lasts and no one ever finds themselves in court. (Fun fact: a large percentage of court-decided divorces wind up back in court.)

The disadvantages of mediation are those of any dispute resolution process: if agreement is not reached on all issues, there is the risk that you will initially perceive your time and money to have been “wasted.” In the hands of a good mediator, however, this should not happen—rather, you will have narrowed the issues that remain in dispute and made progress you can build upon during next steps (even court!). This translates into significant savings in attorneys’ fees.

One possible drawback, depending on your situation, is that while mediation can work for most, it is not a fit for everyone. For example, relationships involving protective orders or ongoing domestic violence are generally not candidates for standard mediation, although they may be accommodated with thoughtful safeguards in place. Mediation can likewise be challenging for relationships in which there is a significant power imbalance that is not being addressed.

Generally speaking, family mediators charge either a flat fee or an hourly rate. At R.I.S.E., we use an hourly rate because (1) we want to refund you money not spent, and (2) we would never want you to feel rushed or, worse, given up on if your process takes longer than expected. (A note of caution: Many mediation “flat fees” limit the number of hours for that fee…which basically means you are getting a non-refundable hourly rate.*)

As a rule of thumb, you can expect attorney-mediators to charge between $250 and $500 per hour.* At R.I.S.E., our hourly rate is $350 ($175/person in a two-party matter).

Following the times frames set forth in “How long does mediation take for divorce?” (below), a relatively smooth divorce mediation might cost a couple between $4,000 and $7,000. A more challenging divorce mediation can cost, on average, up to $10,000.*

NOTE FOR COUPLES WHO ARE WORKING ON STAYING TOGETHER: We are temporarily discounting our hourly rate for couples mediation from $350/hour to $275/hour to encourage people to give it a try. If we can help you not get divorced, we aren’t losing a thing.

It depends on the matter, but the general rule of thumb is that mediation costs a third of what it would cost to take a conflict to court.

Consider the following cost savings:

• 50% less spent per hour.  The participants pay for one professional (the mediator), not two or more (their attorneys). A mediator’s rate also tends to be lower than an attorney’s rate for the same amount of time.*
• The process takes fewer hours.  Mediation can be measured in weeks or months, in contrast to litigation which typically takes 1-2 years if not longer.
• You can do a lot of the work yourself.  If you are represented by a lawyer, every court action (preparing and filing a document, making a motion or argument, seeking a change to the calendar, etc.) requires paying that lawyer. In mediation, you can handle all or most tasks by yourself, at no cost.
• You can avoid paying for unplanned professionals.  If your case will require the testimony of experts or other individuals, or the court appoints third-party professionals (like a guardian ad litem or parenting supervisor in a divorce), those costs are often unpleasant surprises to the parties’ budget.
• Court heightens conflict which in turn heightens cost.  Unfortunately, family court is like any other court and divorce (if that’s the issue) is like any other lawsuit. One person files (the “petitioner”), and the other responds (the “respondent”). The parties are on opposite “sides” of a series of “wins” and “losses.” This kind of dynamic can create a domino effect of bitterness and conflict, which takes a toll on the family, the case itself, and the parties’ finances.
• 95% of divorces wind up settling before trial!  Good judges really don’t want to make decisions for your family unless they are left with no choice. This means that spouses are often well down the path of litigation, tens of thousands of dollars into attorneys or other professionals, only to face repeated calls to resolve their issues out of court (assuming there are no special circumstances that prevent settlement). By adjusting their mindsets earlier, people can often save themselves and their families considerable time, money, and anguish.

Speaking of divorce…

• The average U.S. divorce reportedly costs $15,000 per person** when achieved through litigation (more, if taken through trial). By contrast, divorce mediation typically costs between $3,000 and $10,000 per couple.***

It depends on the type of matter. For couples mediation, no. For divorce mediation, yes.

Non-R.I.S.E. divorce costs can include the following:

• (Optional)  Other professionals you may hire, such as attorneys
• (Required)  Circuit court filing and service fees for obtaining your final divorce decree—roughly $300-500/couple, depending on your county
• (Strongly recommended and may be required)  The cost of having an attorney convert your mediated document (a Memorandum of Understanding*) into a legal agreement or agreements that can be filed with the court—around $1,000-3,000/couple**

With a skilled mediator and an honest mindset, the length of your mediation will come down to two things: (1) the number and complexity of matters in dispute, and (2) the willingness of participants to work through emotions and communication barriers that have made it hard to move forward. We will go over all the ways you can position yourself for success in our formal intake session. How long mediation takes will be largely up to you!

See “What can make mediation move faster?” and “What can make mediation move slower (or even fail)?” (below) for lists of things that can affect the timeline.

At R.I.S.E., we believe there is a point in time after which, if issues remain hotly contested, we run into the law of diminishing returns—meaning, people get tired, they get stuck in emotion and tied to positions, and the odds of a dollar well spent start to go down. As a result, we work hard to foster a tone and a pace that set you up for forward progress. The sooner you leave us with solutions in your pocket, the happier we are for you and the better we feel about our work!

Illinois divorce laws require a long list of things to be covered in a couple’s divorce documents, especially where minor children are involved.  At R.I.S.E., we keep each mediation session brief (2-3 hours), so it might take 3-6 sessions to get through everything even when the couple works cooperatively. You can space out sessions however you like. Generally speaking, divorce mediation tends to last anywhere from one or two weeks to a matter of months.

See “What can make mediation move faster?” and “What can make mediation move slower (or even fail)?” (below) for lists of things that can affect the timeline.

Things that make mediation move efficiently:

• Everyone understands and accepts how mediation works and commits to give it an honest chance. Essential components of the process include:
  • Voluntary participation
  • Complete confidentiality (nothing can be used against you later!)
  • Full and fair sharing of information
  • Tracking down answers when information is lacking
  • Readiness to listen
  • Effort to communicate with respect
  • Understanding that these are your conversations and your decisions
  • Ongoing commitment to try
• Participants come prepared.  This may mean getting information, gathering financial or other documentation, or performing tasks prior to or between sessions. Don’t worry—this applies to the mediator, too!
• Participants advocate for themselves.  If there is something the mediator should know, it is up to you to make sure she does. Do not be afraid to ask for a one-on-one meeting (often called a “caucus”). If you have concerns, share them. If you need to slow things down, say so. The mediator’s interests are 100% aligned with the interest of your family coming through this in the very best way possible. You are here to be heard.

Things that can slow or even sabotage the process:

• Participants are not mentally ready to work out an agreement. This happens. Sometimes it’s too soon, emotions are too raw, or people are overly influenced by well-meaning loved ones. A lot can get in the way of everyone coming to the room ready to focus on the future and willing and able to work with someone who may have hurt them.
• Participants do not fully understand or accept the mediation process. See “What can make mediation move faster?” (above) for the foundations that make mediation overwhelmingly successful. If someone doesn’t truly understand or accept these, forward momentum can be difficult.
• Participants have (knowingly or unknowingly) allowed outside parties to influence or determine the trajectory of the dispute. Often this takes the form of well-intentioned divorce attorneys who (1) love litigation (being in the courtroom), (2) believe that advocacy means fighting for the best they can get for their client, and/or (3) understandably fear the business consequences of more and more couples resolving their divorces early and outside the court process.

Here is how we move from start to finish at R.I.S.E.:

• Q&A phone call.  The process kicks off with a free 15-minute phone consultation. You can schedule this call individually (in which case each participant must have a phone call), or you can choose to set the tone by making this call together! The purpose of the consultation is to make an introduction and answer your questions about mediation. (We don’t get into your story on this call.)
• Individal intake meetings.  To proceed, each participant will then schedule a private, 45-minute intake and screening appointment with the mediator. The meeting can be virtual or in person, costs $185, is strictly confidential, and is your chance to share what’s going on and how you are feeling about it.
• Agreement to mediate.  Assuming intake goes smoothly and everyone remains ready to proceed with mediation, we will all sign a Joint Agreement to Mediate.
• Payment.  At that time, a retainer of $4,000 ($2,000/person, payable online) is due. Why do it this way? We believe it makes for a smoother mediation (conversations about money can be uncomfortable for parties in conflict so we avoid having to have them every session), ensures commitment to the process, and incentivizes participants to try to reach resolution within that amount.** We apply our time against your retainer and return unused funds at the end of the process.
• Mediation. Mediation sessions are kept brief and productive and typically last about two hours; however, we ask you to set aside three in case forward momentum would be lost by stopping at the two-hour mark.
• Additional invoicing (if necessary).  In the event resolution is not possible within the initial retainer amount, we proceed with $2,000 ($1,000/person) replenishments for as long as you desire to continue mediation.
• Conclusion.  Should everything go well, the mediator will prepare a Memorandum of Understanding that sets out in detail what the participants have agreed to, and we’ll go through it together to make sure it’s accurate. Soon after that, you can expect a prompt refund of any unused retainer funds.

If a court order is required to close your matter (like in a divorce), then you will need one or more legal agreements to file with the court.

Unfortunately, Illinois ethics rules make it clear that even mediators who are attorneys are not allowed to draft legal contracts. This means we cannot create those agreements for you.

This is how the process works instead:

At the end of a successful divorce mediation, your mediator will draft a clear, well-organized, and comprehensive Memorandum of Understanding (a document that lays out in detail the terms you agree on), and you will go through it together to make sure it’s right. You can then take this document to a lawyer who will convert it to a legal agreement. We can refer you to mediation-friendly counsel for that purpose.

Mediators are required to remain neutral—a principle that is foundational to the success of the process. Therefore, although our founder, Anne MacIver, has been an actively licensed Illinois lawyer since 1996, neither she nor R.I.S.E. provides any legal services to mediation (or potential mediation) clients.

We can recommend lawyers who understand and support out-of-court conflict resolution, and we will make it easy for you to know when and for what purpose you may require legal assistance.

The short answer is no. The more thoughtful answer is…no, but it can be a good idea.

Unnecessary legal counsel can create a “too many cooks in the kitchen” conundrum, one which can end up costing you more in all ways: money, time, personal bandwidth, future relationship with the other participant(s), and outcome satisfaction. Absent good reason, we believe mediation works best when counsel is used wisely and sparingly, “behind the scenes” and off the mediation clock.

That said, we are wholly supportive of the work lawyers do and the benefit they provide both clients and society. There will be times we recommend consulting with counsel, and there may even be times we cannot proceed until that happens.

In legal matters like divorce, we always recommend that each party engage a consulting lawyer to review the final terms and/or draw up the legal paperwork for obtaining your divorce decree. Whether you do so is up to you. We can provide you with a list of pro-mediation attorneys who can assist you without any intent to undercut your progress.

At R.I.S.E., we understand that many parties who pursue mediation elect to proceed unrepresented, and we can work with such parties as well.

No. We can work with anyone in the state of Illinois. We are happy to work with you virtually if there are geographic challenges.

This question comes up most in the divorce context, as marriage and divorce are legal events that require judicial validation.

Rules differ by county, but generally in Illinois, if you mediate successfully and reach agreement on all issues, you will make a single appearance in court after the legal agreements have been signed. This appearance is called a “prove-up.” (Note: some counties may not even require you to attend.) The person who files for divorce typically attends, preferably with counsel, and it is generally recommended that both parties be at that hearing. The proceeding itself might be at the courthouse or it might be over Zoom. The purpose is to familiarize the judge with the terms of your agreements and demonstrate that those agreements have been fairly negotiated. The typical prove-up is a smooth and low-key proceeding, and nothing to be nervous about.

If mediation is unsuccessful, there are still other avenues to pursue before you “must” resort to court. We will go over those with you and encourage you to consider them.